So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
