My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
