is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize