i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
