..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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