I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
