Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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