I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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