I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize