We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You need Xanax blowdarts
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
