if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
