i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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