Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
