worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
