when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
