I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
third nipple confirmed
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize