was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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