i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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