Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
