i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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