Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
