I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
