hotel room ftw
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
