So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
