You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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