I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
