took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
