today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
