My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
