Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
