He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize