Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i drank out of a bidet.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
