i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
