just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize