Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Houston, we have a blender
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
