i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
