i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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