I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
