Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
