Can i not drive my cunt home
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
that's an acceptable place to lick
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Rumble strips road head = magical
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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