your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
