I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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