with your own penis?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
