i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
