when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
