Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
