broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
