A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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