i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize