Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
