Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
