3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
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