can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
