There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
