i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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