Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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