I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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