Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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