I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
