Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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