If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Even my vagina gasped.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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