My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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