I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
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