she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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