Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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