i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
