She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
