jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize