Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
