it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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