mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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