Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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