I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
