You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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