I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
