I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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