my being single is dangerous.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
