I feel great
I just peed on a car
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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