i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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