we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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