wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
