im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
