you traded sex for a burrito?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
