Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
