for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My ass is underappreciated
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
