you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
