How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize