HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Are we still banned from the library?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
