And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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