so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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