she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
