She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
