Only a mothe r could love this liver
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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