Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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