I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
