No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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