ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
