i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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