The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Randomize
