my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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