i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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