You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
