Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
