Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
