Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
